Friday, October 07, 2005
Things happens whenever i come online. Terrible things. I really don't know what i should do anymore. Even my cousin despise me now. What am i suppose to do? Just because of a certain dumb game, he fell out with me. He is now using the sensitive words to attack on my wound. Say " Express students english i know very pro. I hate them." or maybe " Date and time you set. We will have a match after your O lvls" "You say i will get owned mah. Never mind one. We will see who gets owned when we play." . Why must someone use something so sensitive? As if we were looking down on them when we are not. At least not me. I have not, in any part of my mind, look down on them. Never. However, they will always like to use the words when things do not go well. Have i ever treat them badly or even despise them or raise my head up high when i see them? No. I hate it.Heres the matter. It all started when my cousin wanted to learn the hero that have defeated him in that game called, Dota, time and again. He also happen to know that me and my brother know how to use it. He asked us. My brother taught him other characters, but i think he did not teach him that hero that he wanted him to. He asked me. I said, too, that i can teach you other characters but not that hero. No answer. Then he called me. We were talking about the game and the charater that he wanted to use most. We were still talking about it when he started questioning me about it. I thought, okay maybe i will teach him the basic of using it. There i was teaching him how to use it. I took the time to explain to him although he did not understand most of it. When he kind of understood, I told him that if you do not use it with skills, the hero will still be a lousy one. I even taught him at which circumstances he should cast the hero's spell on his opponent. Then i told him that try not to "feed", because it might cause you the game. He got a little aggressive saying that Am i thinking that he is dumb? I knowingly said yes because i thought he would see it as a joke. Apparently not. He thinks i'm looking down on him. He set up a challenge. He asked me to gather my friends that played dota and play against his friends. With his arrogant attitude, i suddenly have mine out, too. He was talking about me seeing him as a total newbie to the game and not knowing that he knows other characters and also good at it too. He kept repeating that what i see that day was just that he did not know how to use the hero and became a newbie in that hero. I did not answer. Then he asked my whether my phone is on incoming call free basis. I said no and suggested we hang up. We did.
After a few mintues, he started a chat log with me on MSN. Again he repeated that he is not a newbie in the game and asked me to get my teams ready by the date that i have not set. i don't intend to. He told me that his friends, whom he said to be at the lan shop everyday, are allowed not to go to school and study. I replied : " Your friends don't need to go to school my problem is it? They don't want to study their problem la. My problem meh?" Then he changed subject. Then he kept having the same repetition ordering me to get the team ready. And see who will "own" who. He then said something that made me blew up. He actually reprimanded me saying:"If me don't want to teach me then don't teach la! I nvm one." I'm just thinking at that time, then what the fuK have i been doin the pass half an hour trying to explain the hero to him?! Yes i blew up. I told him:" I already taught you how to use the hero and now you say i don't want to teach you!? WTF!? FUK OFF LAR!!!" That's the end of our conversation. A few seconds later i saw his msn nick saying that i blocked him on msn, when i did nothing of that sort. He went offline himself and scolded me. Then i thought to myself. Have i done wrong? Never mind, just apologise. i sms-ed him to apologise. What have i got in return? A adamant cousin of mine replying about the challenge again. I told him a friendly match will be fine, but not a challenge. He kept on with his chanting about the challenge that he set for me via sms. After the third sms which i apologised again, he did not reply anymore.
Have i really done wrong? Have i lost a cousin just like that? I don't know. I really don't know. Anger is building up in me as i blog when i am thinking whether i am really wrong. At the same time, sorrow and pain guarded the door to my true emotion. What am i feeling now? Should I just accept that dumb challenge of his? What if i lose to him? I'll be feeding his ego. I can't trouble my friends. They have their own to worry about. I have my studies to worry about now. I've no time for this. Yet, I'm caring so much in losing a cousin and adding on to a enemy. I've had too much trouble to worry about. Must I really take on all the obstacles before i can finally be enlightened and released from my torment? I definitely do not want to avoid the problem, but at the same time, i do not know how to deal with it. Is this The Oath i must take for the comfort i'm looking for? I'm left with questions un-answered.
Don't Leave Me Hanging In Mid-Air.
Apology i gave,
Revenge i get.
Relationship go hay-wire,
Leave it or,
Mend it?
Either ways,
It will leave painful scar.
Why Have I being so weak?
Have I no mind of my own?
Death is now one of my choice.
Yet it is not an option,
Nor is it the solution.
I have to stand strong.
Alone. Un-disturbed,
By the cruel reality,
Of the society.
posted @ 9:27 PM