Friday, April 07, 2006
Hey readers. I did say about blogging about Day 2 of my chalet ( i forgot most of it anyways.) but some stuff just cropped up and got all my emotions upside down. Many who have known me must have realise that i have a habit of not sharing my problems although i do appear to be troubled. This is so because i did not want anyone else to be involved in my problems and be vexed by them. Next, Friends. This word made me have sleepless nights and gave me a heavy heart. The policy i have, "Friends enter into my life, Never will they leave", is having alot of troubles. I tried to maintain alot of Friendships because i do not want to lose any of my friends who entered into my life. Be in by surprise or arranged. If one friend ignores me, i would be down until i solve the problem and have that person talking again. Yet, no matter how much i tried, some people are just unsincere to be friends again. I do not know why they had ignore me in the first place. Maybe due to the long time of not contacting each other?I don't know why are people so stressed lately. Even myself, i must say, is stressed by Life itself. Life have allowed me to taste the sweetness of it and also showed me how devastating it would be. The desperation that i possess for friends is increasing tremendously. When ever i am alone, i think alot. Thinking more than i can imagine. Sometimes i just wish that i had amnesia. Not remembering what problems it might have in life or with friends and enjoying life without any worries. It would be very irresponsible of me to do so. Alot of my friends do care, but i did not give them any chance to. I kept all to myself except my contagious laughter and happiness. Seeing others happy makes me happy. So why bring myself down by sharing problems? I know sharing problems is better than not sharing because you have someone to carry the burden with you. This is what i tell others usually when they needed help. Yet, i did not heed to my own saying. Sometimes i feel like everything is coming down onto me like one big bully. Yet when i thought over what am i troubled with, i can think of none but friends. I guess only friends can be the only major problems in my Life. I do treasure them, but do they treasure me? The saying that i always believed in. "Only when you lose something, you will find it dear to you."
I sincerely plead to everyone. All my friends. Please. If i'm in the wrong in any situations or anything that i did which might make any of you upset, please tell me. I know this blog entry is a little too sad and it's not normal for me to blog or mention anything this sad. But I really cannot take anymore stress about friends. Please.
Was i annoying
Was i possessive?
What have i done wrong
Just to care?
Some advised me not to care.
Yet i did not heed their advice.
Willingly, i waited.
Was i wasting my time
Or have i gained experience?
Sometimes it hurts just to talk.
Sometimes it hurts just to care.
Even when someone is neither
One whom I have met or know well,
I would care.
I am exhausted
For i have encountered these countless times.
I am drained
For i have gave too much.
I am weak
For i can do nothing.
Friends make the whole of me.
The real, solid me.
posted @ 2:22 AM